By practising 'cathartic' simulations, we experience what Desmond Tutu recognised as a ‘cleansing and healing at the same time.’
An “unconditional lover” faces the inevitable fact that every path faces interpersonal challenges. That running from ugliness is not an end solution and that, eventually, all forms of ugliness must be faced.
I close my eyes to simulate.
The past few years were spent running. From heartache, from people, from love. If I saw something ugly, I’d run. From an ugliness within made even uglier by the reflection of someone else. But at the edge of the earth, there is nowhere else to run. To jump off the face of the planet doesn’t guarantee any relief. Even in the underworld, I would have to face the ugliness. It’s time to stop running.
I’ve met someone. She’s everything beautiful and everything ugly. She deserves my love as much as I deserve hers. If I don’t love her for her, can I really love me for me? My instinct is to run. But my soul wants to stay. She lays on the floor crying after a fight. Muddy in her humanity. And there is only one thing left for me to do. I hold my baby and tell them, “I’ve got you.” There is nowhere to run. There is nowhere to hide. In this moment, the ugliness in me dies.