By practising 'fear' simulations, we gain what Seneca called ‘a boundless joy that is firm and unalterable.’
A “fear hunter” confronts their nightmare of not being able to be a parent. By experiencing the worst possible news, and responding accordingly, the simulant discovers a power within they never knew he had.
The doctor says I can’t have kids. My biggest dream is deemed “impossible.” All I've ever wanted was to be a parent. If news could kill. My condition is supposedly irreversible. Sterility is something even beyond the grasp of science. The heaviness of the diagnosis is real. I am the problem. What use am I to my partner now? I have two options. To prove the doctor wrong. Or to save myself from a lifetime of depression. Either way, I have to heal. One way or another. I leave the doctor’s office. Holding my partner’s hand. They look at me like everything is going to be ok. That we will get through this together. To death do us part.
I take my beloved to the park. Finding a quiet place to sit down and pray. We hold hands and close down our eyes. To my surprise, I have no fear in this moment. The toughest of blows and I remain unshaken. ‘Dear God, thank you for the opportunity to heal.’ Never have I been more grateful. I leave the park smiling at the irony. I have experienced the miracle of life. Sure, not through any physical child. But a birth of equal proportion. A birth of courage in my heart to make the impossible road ahead possible. I am the problem. And I am the solution.